Social Anxiety and Anger

A lot of people with social anxiety have underlying anger issues…and this is totally understandable.

You might feel angry about not being able to interact with the world, angry at yourself for always being a misfit or too obviously quiet or nervous in social situations, angry at the conditions that caused you to be this way, angry at (or envious of) the people who just seem to “naturally” get along with others, make friends and form relationships.

We all have a right to be angry–but of course, anger is not a productive emotion.  If you let it brew inside of you unchecked, it can grow into something huge and ugly that can–and will–take over your life and slow down any progress you’ve made.

Here are some tips for dealing with social anxiety AND anger:

  • Take a deep breath.  Whenever you feel the tension growing on the inside, take a moment to breath deeply and let some steam off.  Control your anger–don’t let it control you.
  • Realize that YOU are responsible for your own success and happiness.  That is, nobody else is responsible!  You might resent certain people who have rejected or intimidated you over the years, or you might be bitter about your sheltered or dysfunctional upbringing, but you can’t change people and you can’t change the past.  You are a grown person now, in control of your own thoughts, having your own goals.  If you want to beat social anxiety, earn that victory by taking steps to address your problem, whether that means finally seeking out a therapist, picking up a self-help book, or pushing your boundaries step-by-step every day.
  • Stop comparing yourself to others.  Yeah, other people might be socially confident and savvy, and you might stare at them and ruminate over how unfair it is.  But there’s so many variables that exist between you and another person that ANY comparison you try to make will be an invalid one.  For example, that person might be putting on a facade of confidence as a coping mechanism, or that person might be exuding confidence because of a special talent or hobby they’ve cultivated and perfected.  There’s just no way to tell why some people are social and others aren’t.  Instead, learn to appreciate the things that make you unique, and you’ll start to see what you DO have to offer to others.

For more info, check out this link on “Angry Loners.”

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